SOME TERMS AND CONDITIONS MAY APPLY

If you clicked on this page, that means you are a big fuckin' nerd because who likes rules? YOU do, you big fuckin' nerd! Now shut up and read:

RULE NUMBER 1
Do you damnedest to seem interesting. I get a lot of applications and a lot of people messaging me on a bunch of different sites. It's a lot for an every day stoner to handle. So please, for your own sake, try to make yourself stand out. Even just a little fact about yourself ("I love to be paddled" "I'm married with seven kids" "I eat glue"), anything, just enough so I could hypothetically pick you out of a line up. That's all I ask. It makes my job a whole lot easier.

RULE NUMBER 2
Skype info/contact is only for the chosen ones. If you add me without asking first, that deems you AUTOMATICALLY UNWORTHY and you get thrown in the trash. Take the time in introduce yourself (via any of the numerous social media platforms I'm signed up on) and make yourself known to me. Or else you will be nothing more to me than the waterlogged, trampled trash in the gutters.

RULE NUMBER 3
NO FREEBIES. You wanna hear my voice? (Voted "most listenable" and "most phone sex-alicious" at a previous phone-centric job I had a couple years back.) You wanna see me smile and laugh right at the camera, almost as if I was laughing right into your very own face? Bring out the wallets, guys and gals, you're going to have to pay, then.

RULE NUMBER 4
Call me Boss. No, really. Call me Boss. I fucking love it.

RULE NUMBER 5
*Nasally voice* "But Miss, I can't afford to pay you!!" Well, you better be pretty damn cool/smart/funny/interesting to make up for the fact that you don't have any dough to pay me for my precious time. Put your best YOU forward and maybe I'll take you in out of pity. (I doubt this, though.)

☻MORE RULES TO BE ADDED AS I GET MORE SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT☻

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