WANT TO SERVE? POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

Look, I'm a simple girl with simple wants and simple desires. This isn't rocket science. I'm currently on the lookout for a couple slaves with a specific purpose. Do any of these sound like you? If so, inquire about applying for these prestigious positions...

♥ ALBUM SLAVE
This one is a biggie. Music is very important to me, and in turn, I expect it to be important to you. The duties of this slave are very simple: I will provide you with a list of artists, songs and albums that I want you to download for me. I will be constantly updating this list so you will need to be on your toes.
What this position requires:
* An intimate knowledge of downloading torrents, iTunes and Dropbox
* Similar taste in music is not necessary but it wouldn't hurt, either (when applying for this position, please include a top 5 list of your favourite albums/artists/songs.)
* Impeccable organizational skills

What I expect:
Every album must be complete with properly capitalized song titles, correct artist/featuring artist names, and consistent album artwork. My iTunes is a thing of organized beauty, and I won't accept any disorganized, messy uploads.

♥ WARDROBE SLAVE
I love fashion. Honestly, what girl doesn't? This lucky slave will be in charge of being my own personal shopper. Don't take this to mean I'll be taking advice on what to buy. Suggestions will be tolerated but not followed. I know my own style better than you, not to mention I have better fashion sense.
What this position requires:
* Disposable income
* A working knowledge of women's fashion is a plus, but not necessary (because let's face it, I know better than you, anyway.)

What I expect:
I'll show you an item that I desire, you will provide me the funds for it via PayPal, then I will buy said item. As a consolation prize, you will receive a photo of that item on my body, which I'll allow you to treasure always.

♥ HUMILIATION SLAVE (AKA THE FOOL)
If you knew me personally (which, unfortunately for you, you don't) you'd know that I'm a giddy giggler who loves nothing more than a good laugh. That's where you will come in, my little court jester. I want someone who wants nothing more to hear my laugh echo in their ears as they perform for me. If performing for girlish giggles, sarcastic snickering, and everything in between makes you weak in the knees, this position may be for you. I'm the popular queen-bee bitch from high school and you're just a big fuckin' nerd who got a wedgie from the star quarterback.
What this position requires:
* A good quality web camera (the more of your foolishness I can see, the happier I'll be)
* Some amount of creativity. Variety is the spice of life. There are only so many times I can laugh at the same dumbass actions. You gotta keep it fresh to keep me laughing.
* The ability to follow direction. If I want you to go further, to be more of a jackass, you have to be willing to go the distance and be dedicated. (AKA no wusses or chickens.)

What I expect:
I have some ideas of things I'd like to see your dumb ass do, but you also have to bring something to the table. True magic comes from a good partnership, and to get the laughter I deserve and the humiliation you crave we have to work as a team. Compatible senses of humour would be a good place to start, so when you apply for this position, please include a variety of things that you find funny. These things can be stand up comedians, movies, even certain GIFs or pictures.

♥ COMIC SLAVE
I am a comic enthusiast. I've featured webcomics I like on this very blog and my wishlists are teeming with comics and graphic novels that I love/are intrigued by. Looking at beautiful things brings me pleasure. I've got a sweet tooth for eye candy. I want a slave with a passion for comics/illustration that matches my own. Someone I can share recommendations and have discussions with. Someone who gets pleasure from the idea that they will be supplying me with enough inspirational material to help me work on my own portfolio. A girl's gotta have goals, after all.
What this position requires:
* A working knowledge/interest of today's comics, webcomics, graphic novels and illustration as a whole
* Disposable income
* Similar comic tastes would be preferred, but it's not necessary (for a better idea of what pleases my eyeballs, check out my Amazon wishlists. Do your research!)
* EXTRA CREDIT: artistry skills of your own would send my pleasure levels skyrocketing, but I won't hold my breath.

What I expect:
Someone who has an interest in illustration, comics, graphic novels, and the graphic design world in general. I would prefer someone who I can discuss the books with after I'm finished. I want someone who wants nothing more than for me to be inspired and happy. Is that you? When applying for this position, a list of your favourite books (graphic or otherwise) will need to be included.

♥ IPHONE SLAVE
Listen, the sooner I get an iPhone, the better off everyone will be. I'll be way more easy to contract, I can check my emails easier and faster, I can send hilarious SnapChats to my Chosen Ones, the list is potentially endless!!
What this position requires:
* Disposable income
* The ability to cover my iPhone bill (roughly ~60$ CAN) every month

What I expect:
Someone who will be able to cover my monthly expenses without fail or excuse. You'll send me a couple hundred bucks to cover the iPhone upgrade (the exact sum will be calculated) and about 60-ish$ each month to cover my bills (exact sum will be relayed to you each month). What you'll get in return is the privilege of buying me an item I'll be using every day and all. the. time. If I like you, I may even give you the number to the phone so you can have access to my awesome input to enhance your life right at your fingertips. (NOTE: I reserve the right to change the number at any time and terminate our contract if you are acting like an annoying cumstain.)

*MORE POSITIONS WILL BE OPENING UP, SO DON'T FORGET TO KEEP CHECKING THIS PAGE*

NOTE: Don't see any position that you fit into? Don't cry, wittuhl sub. I'm always on the lookout for little pay ponies and financial slaves. Just inquire about the general SLAVE APPLICATION which is more open ended and less specified.

Sound cool? Email me today about getting your grubby little paws on your very own application. If you don't ask, I won't know you exist. Simple as that.

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